you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
