Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
