I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
