i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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