There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize