Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
