Whoa Z and x make the same sound
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
