So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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