I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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