No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
