My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
