come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
