I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
