I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
two words: eviction party
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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