Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
