Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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