I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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