I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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