you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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