it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
