The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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