A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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