It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
