I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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