I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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