My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
