All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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