I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
