I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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