Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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