I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
