shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
