She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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