We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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