guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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