I wish i was in the wii world.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
