I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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