you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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