On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
