every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize