1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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