i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize