dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
