Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
