sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
