The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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