Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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