oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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