He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize