The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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