we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
