I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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