thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
