we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
