like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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