Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
