so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
