I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
