Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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