he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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