we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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