You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
