If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
