the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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