My first STD was from a foam party
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
