Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
