I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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