I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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