Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
