I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
