I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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