I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
