i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
