Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
