I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
