I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize