from now on my penis is your penis
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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