Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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